Depression is when you don’ really care about anything, anxiety is when you care too much about everything..and having both is just like hell.
It has been awhile since I have posted and I am ashamed of that. When I first created this page, I was filled with joy, excitement and determination. I told myself that I would not quit and knew it was a good outlet for my depression and anxiety. Sadly, the darkness got the best of me and I once again faded away into the same routine of just getting through the day, forcing smiles, seeming as if I am as happy as can be and everything is going great.
Well, the truth is I am not okay and I am not okay with feeling this way because I know I have a beautiful family that loves me so much, I am alive and healthy and thankful for being here. My life should not be consumed by so much negativity and tears. I know what I need to do to start feeling better, but that is where I get stuck and am still stuck.
Writing about it seems to be a start in a better direction but I am hoping I can get some feedback from anyone who reads this and has felt the same way I am feeling or is maybe still feeling that way. What have you done to get yourself out of this darkness? How can we help each other and keep each other accountable?
Here are a few of things I feel/think on a daily basis, but with this quote first because it is so true..
“I don’t think people understand how stressful it is to explain what’s going on in your head, when you don’t even understand it yourself.”
-feeling like I need to scream or crawl out of my own skin
-stressed out of my mind to the point of crying
-not caring, then feeling guilty for not caring
-feeling like a horrible mom and wife knowing my family does not deserve this
-anger toward myself for my getting my shit together
-constant fear of something bad happening
I will stop there for now. I am wanting bold answers or tips to help me and maybe even others get out of this fucking miserable hole filled with sadness, anger, fear and loneliness.
Again, I thank you for taking your time to read this not so exciting or interesting post but hope that with your help and input that it will lead me back to that feeling of joy and excitement. I need it, more than ever.